We did it. We made it to seven years together and are still crazy about each other. I'm quite convinced, still, that the sun shines out of his arse.
On December 31, 2022, at 4pm, my best friend and I were joined in unholy matrimony by my father dressed in a Pope costume. Ex Pope Benedict dying on the same day is a coincidence, we promise, you can't prove anything.
We did not invite everybody that we wanted to, as our front yard and one toilet just couldn't take the numbers. We made our lists, sent our Save The Dates and subsequent invitations, and ended up with approximately 50 wonderful individuals at our home for the ceremony. It was magical. There was so much love in the air. Holy shit we are fortunate. My gratitude is enormous, and it's what has prompted this post. I have a lot of reasons to be grateful right now.
The road to this day was not an easy one. As you may know from my last post, my partner had cancer removed from his bowel lining in November, and from there many complications arose. We almost had to cancel our big day. Since that post, he has come home (no further surgery YAY!), gone on a low fibre diet, finished the diet, had both gastric drains removed, and largely gone back to normal life. We decided to go ahead with the ceremony and I'm so stoked that we did. Cancer took Thailand away from us but left us with something even better.
On the 30th of December after several full-on days of preparation, I picked my friend Koren, and my parents, up from the airport. I felt so bad about it, but Koren ended up mopping our floors and cleaning fly shit off our 1960’s recessed light fixtures. The latter being a job that was very low on my priority list, but that really did need doing let's be honest. My parents put up gazebos that we borrowed from friends Leeanne and Warren, and Zoe and Brad. My Mum took over making food that I had planned to make, did loads of dishes, and told me off every time I thanked her, because “once is enough”. My Dad took his role as Officiant more than seriously and donned his Pope costume for a while before the ceremony, while mingling, to really set his character into place.
Throughout the day Koren kept me hydrated by refilling my metallic blue mug that matched her pink one, and reminding me to drink it. Breezy drove up from Wellington and presented me with multiple bottles of alcohol to drink depending on my mood, including some non-alcoholic wine. She then proceeded to clean the kitchen after me as I finished throwing food together before I could get ready.
My beautiful friend Sophie made my hair very pretty indeed, and then her fiancé Aaron controlled the music during the ceremony, perfectly, having only been asked to do it three days prior. The weird WiFi outage directly before the ceremony added drama to the moment, as my father had taken the silence as his cue to start proceedings. Yes I had downloaded the playlist - on my phone. Today it was being played from my laptop. Aaron saved the day by plugging the router back in, and we still don't know how it had come out with such precision timing.
Before any of this though, my partner's father Bob had spent two days at our house helping finish our back deck, cleaning up our garden, and mowing our lawns. The man only recently recovered from a second knee replacement. What a champion.
Back to the day itself; as I was getting ready with some of my friends, I could hear familiar voices layering over each other as our guests arrived and took their places on our front lawn. I was very excited to see them all and felt very strange hiding from them in my bedroom until it was officially time. Once we got past the WiFi hiccup, I started my “aisle walk” song ‘Just My Kind’ by The Julie Ruin, and emerged from our lounge into the crisp air and a sea of absolutely gorgeous people. They were all here to celebrate our love and witness as we declared it to each other. And only to each other, as no legal piece of paper was signed or ever will be.
Once I reached my destination; my beloved partner Craig, and my Dad “the Pope”, I turned around to drink in the view of all the wonderful people who had come from a variety of places to hang out with us on our special day. I was overwhelmed with love. All of the work had been worth it.
My Dad said his piece, welcoming friends and whanau, and then invited Craig and myself to say some words to each other. Neither of us had written anything down but we knew what we wanted to say. I told Craig that he is my favourite person and that I still can't believe I get to hang out with him every day. Craig told me that he knew I was the one for him when I put holy water on my forehead in a church in Russell, and felt a burning sensation there for several hours after. Dad then told everyone he gave me away to his “new son” Craig, prompting me to remind him that he didn't own me. He thanked everyone again and lifted his papal mitre to show Aaron the ceremony was over. Aaron turned up the music, and Craig and I triumphantly waded into the crowd to ‘Tonight Tonight’ by the Smashing Pumpkins.
A bit later on my friend Michelle arrived from Rotorua, having not been able to make it to the ceremony. It was so lovely to see her, and she was also really helpful - at one point sending me to have a secret nap in our spare room where nobody would find me. She saw my overwhelm and took immediate action to give me some space because it was totally okay and I was allowed to look after myself. Fuck I know some good people.
Not long after the ceremony when I had done some rounds and greeted some of the many special people gathered on my lawn, somebody asked me if I had seen the cake yet. I had not. I turned around, not knowing what to expect, and saw the most beautiful cake I had ever seen. Two of my local friends, Claire and Lara, had put their incredible design and culinary skills together and created the cake shown in the photo accompanying this post. They had been inspired by the crow and raven on our invitations, and the “ritual tree” we were married in front of. Later on Lara showed me the design mock-up that Claire had made, and I'll tell you what they nailed it. Seeing that cake was one of the many times I almost cried that day. I have just three words for Claire and Lara: Start a business.
Craig's friend Chris who lives in London made sure this was a visit-New-Zealand year, and tried to become his Best Man even though we had decided not to have a bridal party. That was fine. It was funny. They have been mates since they were 13. He did convince Craig to dress up a little though, and his wedding gift to us was to shout nine of us pizza on the night after the ceremony because who could be fucked cooking? I made a spreadsheet to keep track of who ordered what because of course I did.
On the ceremony day Craig and I cooked some things, and we'd asked locals to bring some kai if they could, and they delivered! There were so many yummy vegan dishes put together by mostly non-vegan friends, plus one actual real bacon and egg pie made by a mystery guest. Even though I'm vegan, I took great joy in speculating who it might have come from, and some of our omnivorous guests took great joy in eating it. Later on my friend Miria informed me that she saw the owner of the dish pack it up before they left. It made sense. They were catering to a few important family members. Despite many happy punters being surprised at how much they enjoyed the vegan food, some were grateful of the one exception. I too am so so grateful to our local friends and whanau for so happily and readily making and bringing food to share. That was truly special.
I've only been in my job for a year, but more than a handful of my lovely work colleagues came along to celebrate with us. It was really cool to have them there and party with them for a little while. They chipped in to get us a prezzy card so we can treat ourselves, even though we had said gifts were not necessary. I love that about my workplace; such a kind caring collaborative bunch of people who really take the time and energy to appreciate each other.
Two van-loads of people came down from Auckland, organised by the inimitable Kelsie. They brought some extra joy to the party in the form of two absolutely effervescent children who lit up my face on many occasions. One of the children gave the same speech three times, as some of us had missed it, declaring our ceremony the best and only one he'd ever been to. Our friend Ruth gave a beautiful speech, sharing how she knew us both and saying just really a whole bunch of super nice things about us, and dubbing my new husband “OfJess”. We then toasted while blessing the fruit and asking the lord to open. Under his eye.
Bob gave the obligatory father-of-the-groom speech, which was really a collection of heartfelt platitudes and gratitudes that everyone had come along, followed by a rather perplexing poem about someone getting their testicles stuck in a plastic chair. You read that right.
After mingling and eating and cutting the cake and speeches, I started the “dancing” playlist. It opened with ‘Never Tear Us Apart’ by INXS. I came back out and made a beeline for Craig, and asked him if he would like to stand up and sway with me for a bit. He obliged. I had sort of tricked him into doing the First Dance thing with me, and many onlookers delightedly noticed, not having known it was coming themselves. That was as wonderful as it could possibly be. I had felt like the First Dance was kinda weird and cheesy but I now understand why it’s a thing.
As the night grew older, so did we, but because we had picked New Year's Eve to do the thing, we were obligated to stay up until midnight. It was actually kinda hard. It was hilarious observing a bunch of tired adults fighting to stay awake out of obligation to a social contract, but I truly believe it was our strong mutual desire to say goodbye to that awful fucking year that drove us all to stay upright. We did the countdown as a group outside and Craig and I did that whole midnight kiss thing and it didn't even feel cliché . It was super cool and nice actually.
If the day of the ceremony, and the new year celebrations were not enough to bring a glow to my soul, the next day certainly brought it just as much. In the morning my old Dunedin friends Koren, Michelle, and Breezy stole me away to get coffee and breakfast, and we reminisced so easily like no time had passed since we’d last hung out. It was fantastic. I feel like I'm running out of positive adjectives. When we returned, they made Craig a Bloody Mary, his hangover drink of choice, and he said it was delicious. Then we received visits from various folk including Brian and Christine who had taken approximately 220 photos and a couple of videos the previous day and wanted to share them with us. Later in the afternoon my old Wellington friends Emily, Emily, Caroline and Miria, myself and my Mum went to my favourite park. I got to watch four of my grown-ass adult friends frolic about a children's playground joyfully while I bonded with my mother who kept stealing seeds and cuttings. It was so lovely. Then we went to see some birds, and one of the Emilys told us all what kind of bird some of them were and gushed enthusiastically about our new avian friends. Birds are fucking cool and so are people who nerd out about them. What a jolly splendid feck'n day!
I am now exhausted. I am lying here on this Sunday night/Monday morning at about 1am, contemplating going back to work on Wednesday; Craig starting chemo on Wednesday; Wednesday in general being a day not to be looked forward to, but mainly feeling just really very grateful. So many good people pulled together to create such a wonderful weekend that we will never forget. How did we get this lucky? What did we do to deserve this bounty? Thank you. Just really, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I finally read it! It was a pleasure making the cake, being a part of the ceremony, and struggle-partying the night away. And as perplexed as we all were as to the relevance of Bob's testes story, he was as perplexed that no one else reads Forestry Magazine which he got the story from.